Hello my lovely hindered souls, I am rubbish at keeping this going but apparently I’ve been trying to sort out my entire life, and will be writing up quite a few posts over the next couple of days and getting those on here.
LET’S. TALK. DATING.
Dating is this weird mix of fear, happiness, and self loathing, we all know that, and as much as the ‘Find you a man that can do both’ meme has been hanging about, we are a whole different breed of daters.
Dating is a whole mess of unknown for everyone, but when it comes to the spectrum of mental health we are hiding way more than our ‘inner crazy’…
Men/Women/Gender Neutral partners that aren’t clued up on mental health are sometimes going to question a lot of what we do, for me it’s wanting to spend time alone, serious trust issues, panic attacks, paranoia, ‘episodes’ and over sharing. Sometimes they think we are in need of being fixed, and that they can do it, that they make us happy so we shouldn’t be feeling anything other than that, sometimes we get smothered when we need someone to let us breathe. We aren’t difficult to date, not by a long shot, it’s just harder explaining to someone how our brain works and why this lack of chemicals or brain activity/excess brain activity/different part of the brain activity/THERE ARE DRAGONS ON THE CEILING kind of brain activity, makes us act differently to others.
So part of my situation involves over sharing…stated earlier…which means I’m what I like to call ‘aggressively honest’ essentially after knowing people for all of a day I will open up like fricking Pompeii about everything going on with me. Dating is definitely an experience for the other person involved, if you ever wanted to date someone that can hear Katy Perry singing from literally nowhere then hello, welcome to the blog, you’ve found me, if you want to know my life from the age 5+ and every single aspect of my mental health and emotional spectrum then talk to me for 24 hours and you’ll know it all. Want a girlfriend that locks herself in any available free room to have a panic attack? BINGO BANGO. Oh and if we’re dating then, even if you’re not, you’re always cheating on me, you can always do better, you’re dating me as a dare or for a joke, you’re with me to get close to someone I know, and my favourite so far is that I’ve been convinced someone was dating me to get a job?? Thanks brain.
There are pros and cons of dating people that do and don’t know about mental health, people that do will over analyse your actions and assume they know (every single person is different mental health wise, even if 2 people are depressed, brains work differently) which can get excessive, if not annoying sometimes if they act on what they think rather than what’s going on with you. But on the other hand they are aware that sometimes things will happen and there are right and wrong ways to react to that. People that don’t, you are going to have to spend some time teaching them a little bit about it and how it affects you, and that all comes down to how you personally are with your beautiful individuality.
DATING OTHER PEOPLE ON OUR SPECTRUM
There probably aren’t enough words in the English language to express the difficulties of dating within our circle, and the magical sense of compatibility you can also feel from dating within the circle. For anyone that has dated in the gang, you’ll probably know the heartbreaking truth of what it’s like when it doesn’t work or when things go wrong, or you may know what it’s like to find your soulmate. What I am trying to express is the ways in which a manic depressive can rub off onto another manic depressive, or the way someone with anxiety can change the thoughts of someone with an OCD, how BPD can be hindered by depression, how a narcissist is going to turn your world upside down. Recovery is a very fragile time, and a lifelong process for most ( ‘Recovery’ being used here for everything that depletes you of all emotional energy, will power, focus, drive and so forth, also for all our hims/hers/theys/yous that recover physically from their inner battles) some of us are more susceptible to pressure and picking up habits, some of us get so wrapped up in others feelings that we start feeling them for ourselves, so if you are two beings spending a lot of time together regularly then, like in any other relationship, you start mimicking each other, which can be life changing or devastating depending on what chapter of your experience you’re in.
DATING ANYONE WILL BE AN ADVENTURE
and that’s the damn truth, you’ve just gotta put in the time to really express how you are and what you need, when you need to. You don’t have to hide anything about yourself, you don’t have to dilute your existence for anyone.
ALL YOU NEED TO REMEMBER IS THAT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY AND YOU NEED PEOPLE THAT CREATE A GLORIOUS HARMONY WITH THAT AND NOT GO AGAINST IT. THAT ANYONE THAT BLAMES YOU FOR HOW YOU ARE IS NEVER WORTH YOUR ENERGY AND THAT YES SOME PEOPLE ARE TRASH BUT PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY FOR WHO YOU ARE AND YOU NEVER EVER SETTLE BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE STARS IN THE SKY.
For anyone reading that is reading this because they are with someone that is part of our cult (yes every name for ‘group’ will be used, cult feels extra but I’m not mad at it either) then you can very easily clue yourself in on some minor details of what they have online, trust medical sites or medical studies (studies in psychiatry or psychology will be what you’re looking out for, cognitive not social) First person accounts are trickier because they will be biased on how that person’s mental health is part of their life not a general overview. Remember anything you read about mental health disorders and varieties of, will list a whooooooooooole heap of stuff that comes with it and some people are only affected by some of the stuff on that list, it’s not like a cold where it’s obvious what someone has because of specific ‘symptoms.’ And patience is your best friend with everything, it would be like getting mad at someone with Tourettes for their tics you know? We can’t magically make it disappear.